The Oscars or How I Took 50 Photos Of Ryan Seacrest and Zero of Matt Damon
I think my title says it all. One would think that when going to the Academy Awards two cameras and an iPhone would be enough.
Tragically, one would be wrong.
I did not get a picture of Matt Damon or Meryl Streep because they had the odacity to show up after I'd taken 175 pictures of Mary Hart and Ryan Seacrest because they were all we had for hours while we baked in the sun on aluminum bleachers and then my batteries died. All of them.
Moving on! Because I'm not bitter. Much.
I've just returned from the Oscars and am now in bed with my multiple cameras downloading over 500 photos for your viewing pleasure. It'll be like you were there! Except you got to sit on your butt and eat taquitos with your friends!
Meanwhile all I got was this...
This is my friend, George. Maybe you've heard of him?
I should also add that I touched someone who touched him. So, I think we're getting married.
I can honestly say that being at The Oscars was pretty much what I expected. Alot of red tape. No, I mean alot of red tape. There were so many streets blocked off and so much security that we practically had to be lowered into our seats by helicopter.
Then there was the heat. My God, THE HEAT. As soon as we took our seats on the aluminum bleachers, we knew we were in trouble. Sugar Jones and I immediately started stripping. Okay, maybe that was just me. She just glistened attractively.
Here we are pretending to be happy while we bitch on Twitter.
(If you didn't have one of these you got punched in the throat. True story. ...I bet.)
Now! Without further ado I present you with what you've all not been waiting for.
The Awards Within The Academy Awards.
Not only was Charlize Theron's dress a big hell to the no, but she wasn't all that friendly either. I cannot imagine why not since we were all screaming her name like stalker lunatics.
Celeb Who Gave Me My Most Starstruck Moment
Sarah Jessica Parker. Or as I like to call her because I tend to blur reality and fiction pretty convincingly, Carrie.
Tina Fey BY FAR. She was so awesome you could just tell she wanted to run up into the bleachers and share a diet Coke with you.
Celeb I Like But Am Still Confused Why
Ryan Seacrest or as I call him now, BATTERY KILLER.
Celeb I Seriously Considered Rushing
Sam Worthington. Those cheeks need pinching, that's all I know.
Celeb That Makes Me Think "Why Even Try?"
Penelope Cruz is absolutely stunning. But, you probably knew that. Be glad you don't know it AS WELL AS I NOW DO.
Celeb I Couldn't Wait To Tell My Husband About
Quentin Tarantino in the house.
Celeb I Couldn't Wait To Tell My 8-year-old About
In this category we have a tie, with the award also going to yummy Zac Efron. (Can I call him yummy? Is that weird? ...Or illegal?)
Look at that lady behind him. She's totally thinking the same thing you are. Knock it off, both of you.
Celeb Who Is Probably Kicking Herself Right Now For Not Thanking Her Husband In Her Acceptance Speech
Oscar Winner (!) Sandra Bullock
Celeb Most Likely To Fit In Your Purse
Nicole Richie. Two words: Sand Wich.
Celeb Who Clearly Already Knew She Was an Oscar Winner
Mo'Nique. I think she's telling Penelope Cruz she may as well go home here.
Celeb Who Made Me Feel Super Nostalgic (and also consider going red)
Molly Ringwald. She was there to do a John Hughes tribute and can I just say? She got more love from the Bleacher Fans than most of the A-Listers. Take that, Charlize. Also? Well done on the Plus One, Molly.
Celeb Who Most Definitely Had a Pre-Oscar Cocktail
Mariah Carey. I think she's mid-sway here.
Biggest Display of Girl Star Power
Oscar nominees Penelope Cruz, Vera Framiga, and Anna Kendrick. (Meryl Streep was steps away as well. Can you just take my word for it? Damn Ryan Seacrest!)
Celeb Who Made It Most Awkward With His Attempts To Get My Attention
Seriously, Ryan Reynolds. You're relentless.
Celebs Who Were Not Photographed By Me Because I Clearly Do Not Grasp the Concept of Pacing Myself...Or Waiting...Or Blinking "Low Battery" Lights On My Camera
Robert Downey Jr.
Non-Celeb Blogger Who Just Had One of the Most Amazing Experiences of Her Life
***Thank you thank you thank you to Kodak for not only the invite, but for catering to us and making us feel like mini celebs. I think Kodak just recently started reaching out to bloggers and I'm telling you, if you get the opportunity to work with them, jump at it.
***All photos taken with my new Kodak Z950 EasyShare (provided by Kodak), which has the zoom power to make a stalker proud.